We’ve all seen them. You know the guy, the one that just screams SKIER, and not necessarily in a good way. You can’t always pinpoint the stereotypical skier, but when you do, it hurts to watch them. We’ve narrowed it down to the 10 most common stereotypical skiers that you are bound to see out on the slopes.
Most Common Stereotypical Skiers:
- The “new tech is just a fad” guy: This is one for you old school guys out there, we all know one. He’s way smarter than the rest of the ski industry and knew without a doubt that the “parabolic” skis obviously wouldn’t last, and he held out to buy his first pair of shaped skis until 2013. Don’t even get this stereotypical skier started on this new fangled waste of tech called rocker. Why on earth would anyone ever want that technology under their foot? BRING BACK THE K2 EXTREMES!
- The “I’ve skied out west and now riding in the Midwest seems pointless” guy: We all know this guy, he has skied the Midwest his whole life and was always totally stoked every time he was on the hill, but now he’s taken one trip to Vail and it ruined the Midwest for him. He’s too good for it now and he won’t ski anything under 1000 ft of vertical because he thinks it’s just a waste of time and money.
- The guy who has all the latest and greatest gear, but couldn’t get down a blue to save his life: This guy exists in almost any recreational activity, and he’s every shop kid’s dream. He walks into the store, hands you a blank check and says “I need it all.” Then he takes his new gear to the hill and couldn’t be more clueless. He can be seen in his natural environment in a few of different forms, but my two favorite are straight lining the entire run because he doesn’t know how to turn or with his brand new Bonafides locked in the pizza position at all times.
- The “racer”: Really no explanation needed here. I mean we get it man, you raced in high school and now you’re racing in a beer league on Tuesday nights, we are all super impressed.
- The “knows the names of every run at every resort” guy: Here at Skis.com we call him Thom, but this guy exists everywhere. He will refer to every run by its name and won’t miss a single one. This guy is a walking talking Wikipedia with this stuff, and seems to know the best places to catch fresh snow or un-tracked runs. Hats off to him for having that kind of space in his brain for this information.
- The “conditions are never right” guy: Every crew has this stereotypical skier, and if you don’t know who this guy is in your crew, then surprise! It’s you. He has every excuse in the world as to why today just isn’t the right day to hit the slopes. This guy is on mountain only on those blue bird knee deep days. He needs a big time reality check; if the lifts are spinning then man up and go get your turns in.
- The “in over his head” guy: We all become this stereotypical skier at some point, he’s just way too confident in his abilities on a run. He gets going and then it hits him, that “oh sh**, I’m in over my head” realization. He is the guy riding sideways on his snowboard or snowplowing all of that fresh snow off the run on a pow day.
- The snowblader: Ugh. Look, this is not my cup of tea but if it’s yours then have at it I guess. Let your freak flag fly. Don’t let anyone tell you that riding down a mountain on skis that are 99 cm long held on with two clips that have no real release system is an unnecessary risk. Screw those people, if you want to shatter your leg in a billion pieces that’s your call not theirs.
- The “just one more run” guy: This guy is equal parts awesome and dangerous to have as a friend on the mountain. The awesome part is that you’re always going to have someone to ski with if this guy’s in your crew. The dangerous part is he just flat out doesn’t know when to quit. Last run isn’t when you’re tired; it’s when the lifties won’t let you get back on the chair. This guy gets to the bottom of the run at the end of the day and his legs are shaking and he’s like “no I’ve got one or two more in me.”
- The “Ski Bunny”: This is people watching at its finest right here. She knows what skiing is all about, and if you think that means actually skiing then you are dead wrong. Skiing is not about skiing, it’s about look absolutely fabulous while you are hanging at the base sipping on your mocha chi latte; and maybe while you’re taking the two runs that you feel obligated to take because you (or someone else) paid $130 for the lift ticket. But you rock that fur hood girl.