Spot the Texan on Vacation

Image from Jamesj via Epicski

Gapers are gapers right? No, not exactly. Gapers come from an array of cultures and creeds, boasting different looks, beliefs, and family units. For example, the Joey (northeastern gaper) usually sports a Buffalo Bills or New York Jets starter jacket but is without kids in tow. The Joey normally combines forces with his other Joey friends to drink copious amounts of Yuengling or Budweiser. However, the Texas gaper is a whole different deal. You will never see a Texas gaper rocking any NFL team’s swag north of the Red River. So here are the five ways to spot a Texan on Ski Vacation.

1. The Houston Handbag

The H-Town Handbag is a famous ski carry technique whose origins can be traced back to the Texas gaper’s first days of skiing at Monarch Mountain or Taos Ski Valley. With three kids and a negligent Dallas wife in tow, the Houston Handbag condemns dads to the same act of hauling over packed duffels into hotels for their unappreciative children. Subsequently, the Texan can be spotted with two sets of skis and poles in hand, not to mention a waterfall of sweat dripping down his forehead and into his Turtlefur neck gaiter.

2. The Wife

The Texan can also be spotted through his significant other. The Texas Wife believes Neiman Marcus fashion on the ski hill is the end all be all. Just look for the aggressive fur coat and ridiculously large shades. Chances are she’s also a few Chardonnay’s deep and is touching her ski instructor pretty suggestively. Sorry dad.

3. Only Ski When It’s Sunny

While many other regions of America understand how to work around weather, Texans do not. So if it’s stormy outside, expect Texans to hole up in their condo waiting for a bluebird weather window. Groomers aren’t going to shred themselves.

4. Longhorns, Aggies, and Red Raiders

Chances are… someone in the Texan family has a jacket they’re wearing on the hill that has one of these three college football program’s logos on the back. What the Texan family doesn’t know is that when renting skis, the DIN chart accounts for these apparel choices and takes their DIN down an additional notch.

5. Hunting Gear

With the exception of college football starter jackets and high school letterman jackets, the rest of the Texan’s wardrobe is 100% from the hunting closet. Day-Glo beanies, camo pants, and Under Armour ski masks are all telltale signs of the Texan skier.




5 Ways To Spot the Texan on a Ski Vacation
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5 Ways To Spot the Texan on a Ski Vacation
Here are 5 ways to spot the Texan on a ski vacation.

5 Comments on 5 Ways To Spot the Texan on a Ski Vacation

  1. Scott Dillman
    July 13, 2015 at 6:07 pm (7 years ago)

    Hey, there is no similarities between a Bills fan and a Jets fan. Just to be clear, the Jets and Giants play in New Jersey. I don’t see a lot of difference between wearing NFL colors and NCAA colors. Like the guy in the picture, many gapers ski in jeans so they look like “locals”. Hey Brent, how’s it going? Brent sold a perfectly good ski suit and switched to jeans. The Texans can stay inside during poor weather. The lift lines are shorter and the powder doesn’t get cut up. Maybe they stay in because they don’t know how to dress. I ski every weekend no matter what the weather. There is never a bad day on the mountain.

  2. Charles
    March 22, 2016 at 1:10 pm (6 years ago)

    The plural of Chardonnay doesn’t need an apostrophe

  3. Charles
    March 22, 2016 at 1:11 pm (6 years ago)

    The plural of Chardonnay doesn’t need an apostrophe. Plurals never need apostrophes unless they’re also possessive


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